I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
