No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
