i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
