Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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