ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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