someone threw a dead crab at me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize