ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
