Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize