at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
