And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
