You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
