just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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