the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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