I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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