Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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