I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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