there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
