Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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