At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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