Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
