Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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