man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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