I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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