Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Everyone says I win the strip club
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
