and she was petting her beer can
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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