it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
