I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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