so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
