I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize