ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
