When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
