So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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