the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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