Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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