tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
