so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
