Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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