I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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