i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
