I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
