went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
