if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize