'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
