and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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