K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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