high people should be assigned attendants
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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