just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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