I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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