My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
