Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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