Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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