My room smells like vodka and shame
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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