i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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