i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
