About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
