when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
