He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
