Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
