I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
