i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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