a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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