i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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