Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
