My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
