She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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