my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
