Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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