Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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