I want to make a zoo with you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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