I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
