he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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