We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
