I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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