I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
