Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
