I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
