at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
