i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
