Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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