Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
