Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
kristin has been a bad kristin
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
