Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
