this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You've changed since you got that strap on
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
