Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
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