so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize