Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
