I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
