Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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