I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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