I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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