when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
