Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
