If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
