My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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